Whenever I run into tough stuff my first instinct is to always point fingers at God and get angry. Even though I know God loves me, and he will make a way for those who are hurting. Why is that always my first reaction? Anyways, instead of letting these thoughts of negativity fester, I'm going to refocus my thinking. The SOAP format stands for scripture, observation, application, and prayer. So here goes.
Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership. Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you. ~1 Timothy 4:14-16
O. Lord you want me to use my gifts because that is what you gave me. This is what you want me to do, to encourage, to learn, to help guide other girls towards you. I just don't understand how you expect me to do this when I'm hurting. I don't think it's fair. Why is it that when life normalizes itself something is set to go topsy turvy. Lord when something changes, it will no longer go back to what it was again. I don't think I'm ready for that. I certainly have not been ready each time it's come. I just don't understand.
A. God I don't know what you want me to do but I know you want me to keep focusing on you. Lord I won't neglect my gifts, I know you love me. I know you've made me to love you. God I just hope that you can use this for your glory. God I need you to use this to help make me better. I need you to keep growing me, I don't know how you're going to do it, but it's all for your glory so it has to be done. Thank you Lord, I love you.
P. Father even though I don't understand what's exactly going on or why you're allowing it, I know that you're bigger and you're able. Be my strength and refuge, my only rock I can run to. In your name I pray, amen.
If anyone has any thoughts or comments, please post, I would like to read them.
